


Control Freak meets Life

by Marylebone221



Category: Michael Fassbender - Fandom, xmen - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-02-07 06:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marylebone221/pseuds/Marylebone221
Summary: Me being a control freak thinks that i have figured out life. I am 29 years old and currently working in a transnational business. Everything is working as planned. Having a controlled, focused life, a social life to a certain degree and some sort of a private life, currently i am to busy for it, but basically i got one. So everything is under control so it is perfect. But Michael Fassbender my flatmate for 5 years thinks turning my life upside down is fun or needed





	1. Status quo being a busy bee

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this. I hope i can upload a chapter every second day.  
> Just writing for fun. I have a certain outline in mind but nothing that couldn't be changed so if you have any suggestions please feel free to comment below. :)  
> Thanks for reading and evaluating this piece.

Michael and I are living together for 5 consecutive years. Not in a relationship but as friends. As best friends. currently i am alone again as Michael is filming XMen again. I hate and love it when he is off filming. I love that he doing what he loves and especially XMen with James Mcavoy and Jennifer Lawrence who he both adores. But i hate to be alone in the flat and not to have him around. I know this sounds like i am love with him but I am not, i just miss him like a big brother. Anyway i am in the kitchen at 7pm and making coffee for myself eventhough i have just left the office i still have work left to do, aóne thing Michael never approves of and he is the one talking. His working schedule is insane! I have to prepare another presentation about the new project to our investors, i have to make sure they are happy with the new ideas and admit to the new terms of our buisness lines. For that will be flying to Canada, the company i am working for has reserved a whole hotel for this event. Me and my time will guide through 7 days of business meetings. I couldn't be more excited, scared and excited than I am right now. But all of this lead to a current work load of at least 75 h the last week 4 weeks and will go on for the next 2 weeks until we start that week. My team and I will be at the hotel next week to prepare the location and check that everything will be ready. I am soo excited cause the hotel is near the location XMen is being filmed and Michael invited me to the set. Unfortunatly i couldn't accept the invitation right away as i have no clue on how much is left to do once we arrive. However i agreed to have dinner with him. He will pick me up and drive me somewhere i do not know. Which I hate!!!! and he knows it!!! I hate it when I am not in control. It makes me nervous and edgy at the same time. AHHHHHHH. Just thinking about it makes me wanting to cancel it. Next to all the things that are probably wrong at the hotel and won't be fitting for the meetings. At least i can trust my team and i know that we will be able to ship around any cliff that ahead. At least i hope and pray, it will be a gamechanging weekend for all of us. Puh. So coffee is ready, music is turned on. Now I am shutting of my private thoughts and go back to my presentation.


	2. Interrupting control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unplanned call from Michael

I am focused on perfecting the presentation and checking out a few things of my bucket list as Michaels Discord icon pops up and silences my music. I am a bit confused because we hadn't scheduled a call for today or tomorrow. I look for time on my laptop 0:14, few a bit longer as planned but still earlier than worst case. I answer the call...  
'Hey Michael! Waht happened?'  
'Hey, why do you think something has happend ?'  
'Otherwise you wouldn't have called ? Is work not going well, are you ok? You sound tired ?'  
' Actually I just wanted to talk to you... How have you been?'  
' Ähm... ok... I am well, maybe a bit tired, you know because of next week. Everything is nearly ready and I am starting to cool down. And... how about you?'  
' You colling down ???? Are you kidding ??? no way, first you are still awake, second not in amillion years.... As for me I am a bit stressed right now, a lot of physical work and apparently i am not getting younger, i just..'  
' Did you hurt yourself? Has there been an accident? Do you need anything'  
' No, no, no god no, no, I am just more tired as a used to be!'  
' Ok, phew, and that leaves you without motivation?'  
' Excactly, any idea?'  
' Mhm... you know i usually watch either Sherlock or Supernatural... Sherlock for business problems and Supernatural for private problems. You enjoyed it as well, maybe try it out or listen to that Iron Maidden music that i can't stand. I won't be there complaining so you can actually enjoy it, or you could go out. You love nights out, don't know why, but you enjoy it, drinking, dancing and so on, you could call James or Jenn i bet they would love to go out with you...' Checking google for bars and pubs close to him.  
' Calm down, Sherlock and Supernatural are your things, i will consider Iron Maidden but i don't want to go out, i will be to tired and its no fun then. Wait a minute shouldn't you be in bed right now ? You have work tomorrow!'  
' True, hope that works and yes and no i was already getting ready or bed but had a few homework things left to do. And yes i have work tomorrow 8 am as usual'  
' Homework, haha, you are still working ?! I can't change it as long as i am not there with you.'  
' True and i doubt you could stop me from work this week, but we will see us next week and you can punish me then, but now i really have to go to bed. Is there anything you want to tell me or anything i can help you with?'  
' Punish you... Ähm...'  
'Michael?' is the connection lost?  
' Sorry! no talking to you was enough for now, can't wait to see you next week and i hope you really go to bed at least within the next hour. Have a good night, love'  
' Goodnight Michael see you'

I hang up the call and feel weird, why has he called me? Moreover why has he called me outside our scheduled plan and without contacting me before. Mhm. I hope he will be better soon, but i am not prepared if he doesn't text me before.  
He is right i should wrap everything up and go to bed. I am done anyway. I really hope he is better soon. It really worries me that he did that. He had never done this before.

My phone vibrates  
'Thanks for taking the call, i know you hate unscheduled calls - Michael'  
'It was ok, i have no meetings tomorrow, if you need to call again, tomorrow should be fine!' -me  
'Although best after work at 8 pm earliest but in between should be fine as well, via skype , discord isn't installed there. Good night'- me  
'Thanks, love, I will do my best have a great day at work tomorrow and don't work to much and get some sleep, ASAP!'  
'On my way, since when are you the bossy one?'  
' BED, NOW' 

Helloooooooooooo, what happened to him... Phew better leave him alone.  
It is 1:30 and i have to ge up at 7 so still 5 1/2 hours to go, what is his f*** problem???  
Living close to work is awesome but expansive and Michael was looking for someone who wold be around more often, as he is gone so often. I applied for the flat and got it, having a well payed job as several advantages, this was one of them.  
SO Brain shut up now we have to sleep. Turning my phone off and my sleeping music on. 

since when is he callig me 'love'.


	3. Chapter 3

Here I am, in Canada.   
Already on edge and exhausted. The rest of last week wasn't that eventful, a few bumos here and there but overall nothing we hadn't considered.   
However tonight Michael wanted to pick me up for dinner. I have no clue where we are going, just that he is going to pick me up at 8pm. No idea what to wear, indoors or outdoors, elegant or more sportive. I packed several choices, because Michael is not telling me where we go. I asked him several times but he never replied, neither did he reply to my phone calls. There was only a simple 'Gonna pick u up at 20pm next Tuesday'  
That's it. I considered cancelling but someting isn't right with him. Maybe he needs a break more than i do. I do not even know if the others will accompany him or not. It is utterly fustrating... and he should know better.  
It is already 6, i only had breakfast in the morning (lie about it to michael).  
I came out of the shower and now i am in front of the ensemble i brought with me and have no clue what to wear. I packed a nice long emerald green dress, a standard black one ( i don't have another one, i do not really appreciate dresses but they might come in handy on our wrap up party) and jeans with a simple shirt. Jeans with my favourite Shirt should be awesome. i hope we will go to a Burger restaurant like we use to do. I put it on with my sneakers and put on a bit of lipstick and mascara. I am not an artist and could only train myself to a certain degree of makeup. Put my hair in a bun and packed my handbag with all the necessary things: purse, mobile phone, key to the room, gum, deo and that should be it, oh yes and a book and headphones (can't go anywhere without them).  
It is 8:10 pm and he hasn't shown up yet, i am getting nervous i don't like it if someone is late and does not leave a message.   
At least i am in my comfortable clothes and i could just start checking the list for tomorrow and add a few things we could do as well. I do not know when but after a while i got really nervous, he is never that late without a note or a call. I had checked my phone multiple times and even tried to call him. Nothing... It was 9:30 by now. I rechecked the date and the messages leading to this appointment - Pick you up at 8 at your hotel-   
Mhm i had sent the address of the hotel in case he might had forgotten. I called the Night Manager to see if i had just missed him. "I am sorry but there is no call for you ma'm and nobody waiting here. Is there anything else i may help you with?" I thank him and hang up. This is getting realy on my nerves. Is he just joking or has something happened?  
I don't have any of his colleagues numbers but of his manager. Maybe he can help....  
Nothing he has no clue.   
Maybe fell asleep in his trailer and hadn't woken up yet.   
Ok, it will be him sleeping. But maybe i should checck the locaal hospitals for any sign of a man looking like him or the police stations. Just to be save.   
Did both but didn't really help. All of them promised to call if anyone like that should show up. They must think i am a mad woman. 

'Stop freaking out, he is just sleeping nothing has happened, he was tired the last time he called and seemed to have an exhausting schedule ahead as well.' it is like a mantra now. it is 1:30 and i cannot sleep and i cannot convince myself that everything is alright.   
I get out of the room and go to the car. I need to know that he is ok.


	4. me being myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late and short update, gonna write more soon. I am really, really sorry.   
> Thanks for the two kudos on the first chapters. :)

I couldn't find him, after 4 hours i returned to the hotel. I tried to tell myself that he was really just sleeping, as non of the hospitals i had called knew a man like him...  
I went into the shower of my hotelroom and as i usually am thought about all the possible options that were left. Now i try to find some new energy to start the day.  
The shower wasn't as refreshing as i had hoped. Nevertheless is there no time to return to bed as it is 7:30 now and my work day starts at 8 again. WOW i showered for nearly 2 hours...  
I grab my phone to check if i left out any roads. And have 15 missed calls, and 25 messages. All from Michael telling me that he is fine and fell asleep and that he apologieses profoundly for not showing up and scaring me and that he hopes i am fine and that he reschedules our meeting and he will make up for it. He hopes I am FINE... WTH he knows i am a freaking mess if he shows up an hour later and now he hasn't been able to reach for a whole night. YEAH but I am fine.  
I am really close to cry now. So much relieve settling in and so much joy filling me up as he is not dying or dead on some lonely side of road. But a tiny bit of anger as well. Phew...  
"keep it together girl, he is fine and you overreacted as usual" i type in a quick "i am fine, thought u must have fallen asleep."  
Put it away and could now start the day. Gonna be a tough day, no sleep and a lot of preperations and changes to be done.


	5. Chapter 5

The day is finally over, there was no time to breath or even for sleep. I had hoped to get half an hour full of sleep during my lunch break, but everything went wrong today. I mean EVERYTHING. I hate that, everything was planned in detail but than there were tefch failures and the cook prepared the wrong test meals. And the worst one of my best coworker had to fly home cause her dad died. That is tragic don't get me wrong, but for me the timing couldn't be worse as she had a lot of vital tasks next week. Yet there are still 2 tasks i couln't fit into any other schedule. I am so tired i hope i have a better idea tomorrow. I directly step into the shower to stop my neck and back from aching and walk to bed afterwards. In my bed i have finally time to check my phone I have a private and a work phone. Again unread messages and unanswered phonecalls. a total of 15 voice mails. I am bit confused. I read and listen to all the messages he has left me. At first they are apologies combined with some sort of investigating questions if i am mad or something like that? But the last ones are infiltrated by anger that i am not replying to one of his messages. His last to text messages:  
"why are you not replying?"  
"OK fine, than don't reply, it was a simple mistake made by me!"   
Great now he is mad. Why is he mad now. He knows I am working. Now i am kind of mad about this reation.   
But i am actually to tired and exhausted to think about it more. Not a genius when it comes to interpreting other's feelings. I type in a quick response  
"Sorry i had a long day and i am quite exhausted, so i will have to sleep now. I am not mad at you and I hope you are not mad at me?"   
Pressing send and falling to bed, the hotel phone rings: "I am sorry to disturb you Mrs. Fisher but here is a gentleman, called Michael Fassbender, wanting to speak to you. Do you want me to speak to him?"  
WTH??? " Ahm... yeah send him to my room."

Why is he here now? I am tired, i just want to sleep... and now i have to get up again. I put my bathrobe on and walk to the door, open it and there he is.


	6. meeting

"hey"  
"hey"  
"ähm.. can i come in?"  
"oh, yes of course, sorry!"  
"I am sorry.  
"Yes, you said so in your various messages, i don't get why you are here? Becuase i told you that I am ok and that I accepted your apologies od didn't I?" that would be an explanation for him being here.  
" No, no, no i mean yes you said so, but..." he looks tired and exhausted as he does when he returns from a long filming period, but there is something else in his facial expression that i cannot figure out. " i wanted to make sure u are ok. I know it was difficult enough for you to fit our date in and that you do noot like to be disturbed when you finish a work project, still u accepted to meet with me..."  
" Yes i did so, because you sounded extremely tired like you do when you come home and tell me that you need a break and that is usually eating and watching stupid, funny TV-shows with me, so i figured i should accept and I did. As you didn't show up i was concerned but as i knew that you were tired i thought you had fallen asleep. " Maybe it is better not to reveal that i was up all night looking for him, he is always so concerned about me and remorseful and this is actually exhausting for me...  
"Ahm...ok... so you are fine ? Aren't you hating me ? You even hate if someone is 5 minutes late without telling you!"  
"I know and i was for a short period of time but i am way to busy to be mad right now and way to tired myself"   
" Oh.. ok... ahm so again i am really, really sorry for it. Are you hungry by any chance?"  
I am not hungry at all but he still looks like he needs a break. Maybe a quick one, i really need to sleep though.  
"Ok, but just a tiny, quick meal, I have many long days ahead of me as do you and you look like you need as much sleep as i need too."  
"Of course, i saw a tiny restaurant on my way here which is still open. "   
"Sounds awesome" Is that a relieve on his face? Why? Or isn't it?   
"But maybe you should change first." with the grin on his face, that the press and his fandom loves so much. It usually makes me furious but i am way to tired.   
Zoned of to figure him out, i had totally forgotten that i was still wearing my bathrobe  
"Great i change and meet you in the lobby"  
"Awesome see you later"


	7. Car ride

It is a bit weird and awkward. I am not prepared for this, what am I saying.  
We are sitting aide by side in the car he has rented. An SUV of some sort. Haven't had the chance to get a good look at it in the dark.  
Now we are sitting here, have nothing really to say. Yet I guess we have plenty to say. But he is sitting their some sort of stiff and agitated.   
I don't know what to do.  
The darkness so rounding the car and inhabiting the car makes me even more tired than I have already been.   
Still the creepy vibes coming from him keep me on edge as well. I don't even know where we are.  
Don't get me wrong, we never talk much. It isn't needed. We understand each other without words and mostly not communicating is what we look for.   
But something is off today.   
Suddenly the car stops. In the middle of nowhere.   
I look over to him, he is leaning over the wheel and breathes loudly.  
'are u OK?'   
He is not reacting to it.  
'Michael? ' I ask quietly.  
Still he is not moving. It is scaring me now.   
'Michael!' I say forcefully now.   
He doesn't say a word yet again, but after a few seconds gets out of the car and slams the door shut.   
I am startled and stay in the car. 

What the hell! What has gotten into him?  
Have I done something wrong?  
Has anything happened?  
I have never seen him like that before. And for the second time in our friendship I have no idea what is going on with him. First when he showed up at the hotel room and now.  
Upt to now I was able to predict his actions in some way. I knew how he would react before he knew.   
But tonight nothing. 

Shall I go to him or wait here in the car.   
I don't know what to do is just. I am panicking now. My anxiety kicks in slightly. 

He is standing in front of the car facing another direction. Clutched fists and completely stiff. 

Shall I wait until he is more calm or shall I try to help him calm. Although I have no idea how. 

I open the door slowly trying to catch his reaction to it. But there is none as if he hasn't heard it. I step out and walk slowly to him but with a cautious distance. There is still no reaction on his side.   
'Michael?' I ask quietly.  
He seem to snap out of something.   
'it was a mistake, I am sorry. I'll bring you back'  
What the actual f*** is this?  
'I know you have a troubling week ahead'

'ähm, OK..., äh, sure,... Thank you.'   
What the hell am I saying.  
Wait what should I say?  
I don't even know how to feel. I have never been in suvh a situation, I have no information on how to react properly. Is there even a proper way.   
I don't even know what forces him to be that way?  
' we are here' 'sorry again and have a successful week!'  
'ah yeah.... You too. Good night'  
I leave and go straight to bed. I take my emergency sleep pills.   
What the hell was that?


	8. Back and Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that i haven't updated this in a while. The first ideas i had about this stories were overthrown by me. but now i have found the way to solve my issues and i know how to proceed with this story. Thanks for reading and i will love to read your comments on it

I am back at home. The presentation and the week itself went as well as it could have gone considering the weird incident with Michael and my incompetence of dealing with it. The problem was not that he had not been the actions themselves but his unusual behaviour towards me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the possible cause of it. What had I done to force it? Had I said something wrong? Had my behaviour been strange in any way?   
While the business project was going on it helped me keep my mind of this topic. But as soon as I landed back in London I was nervous to get back into our flat. I was actually fearing him to be there. I couldn’t estimate him anymore. I hadn’t been able to categorise his actions and that was nerve reckoning. I have never had this before at least not with him. With others of course on a daily basis. But with him. The man I share the most intimate living situation, a home? It is difficult for me to comprehend it and for the long drive from Heathrow to our flat I actually considered changing the direction and drive to a hotel instead. Luckily he wasn’t home. I had rung the bell first. But no one answered so I opened the doors with the keys, put in my luggage put a part of my laundry in the washing machine and made my way over to the neighboor. The nice old lady that she was, she had offered to check our mail box from time to time. I had bought her a Canadian bottle of maple sirup which she loved as a thank you gift. As I stepped back into the room my phone rang. I expected it to be one of my relatives or my boss but it was a text from Michael.   
“ Hey, I am sorry that I haven’t texted you since the last time. You should be back in London right now and I wanted to let you know, that I will be come back tomorrow as well. I am really sorry how our last night went and I want to talk to you in person. I was able to postpone my next meeting for a couple of days. I hope you can manage to have a day off and we can hang out like we used to. I am in a desperate need of a break. M.”

Panic….. Panic… Panic…. No he cannot come now. OMG what am I supposed to do. I cannot see him. I don’t know what this is. I cannot prepare for this. This is nothing I have ever felt in my life. I cannot see him. But I cannot tell him to not come, it is his flat too. I don’t know what to do. I have to go. I could take an early vacation. I could need one. I could call my boss and tell him that I am in a desperate need of a break and that I would like to have a vacation. I have worked up a pile of extra hours which he wanted me to take for a few days off anyway. I could take them.   
I grab my suitcase. Put in a few things. And call a taxi. As I am driving along in the taxi I call my boss and ask for a week off. He agrees. The project is done anyway the next won’t start in the next 3 month anyway and the day to day business will be managed without me. I thank him. Another text arrives:  
“Hey I know you don’t like these sudden surprises and I can imagine that you are still shaken up by that last business week and my awful behaviour. Looking back I know it is the worst thing I could have done. But please I can explain everything if you let me. So please let me know if you don’t want me to come or are not ready to talk. I know you, remember. It is ok to say no. But please say something.”   
Should I text back? What should I text back? This is too much for me. I don’t know how to react. My heartbeat is a mess and I go through my panic protocol. The one I preserved for situation that go not as planned. Breath in. Listen to special music. Breath out. Close my eyes. Play piano along with my fingers.   
Another text  
“Don’t you dare ignore me! I know your phone is on 24/7 because of work habits. I know you are reading this! Answer me please. Please, Anna, answer me!”

I cannot deal with this and turn off my phone. This is too much. What is he doing? Why is he like this? Why has he changed? No,… no,… this is way too much. I haven’t had such a panic attack for a long while because he was there. HE always noticed it before I realised it. He knew what to do. How to react, when to react and all of that!  
Now I am alone. I have to deal with it on my own again.   
“We have arrived!” the driver says and I snap back. Thank god!  
I buy a ticket to Ireland! I have an old cottage there. It was my grandfathers and it is in the middle of nowhere. It is calm and there are no people around. It is my perfect, quiet place, my favourite place on earth. It is my safe space no one can change it, no one can disturb me. It is perfect for me to get everything back in line.


	9. trip to solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> escaping my life and going back to the one place i can always go to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this late update but i had some troubling month and i have not had time to put enough thought into my stories

I am sitting on the train to Ireland, listening to some calming studying music, the kind you find on youtube that go on for hours. While listening to it I read a book that has been on my shelf for a long time, which Michael has actually given to me as a present to thank me for getting him through the Shame shoot, which was a bit depressing to him. Anyhow I wanted to read the book for a while but now it reminds me of him so I take my back up book out, i carry at least two book as I have no idea if the one is any good or too good and it won’t last for a longer period. It is called “the ministry of utmost happiness” and I was enticed by the title so I bought it instantly. Anyhow I hope I can swift of into this world for the ride as the music is really helping met to calm down.   
As I arrive at the station I gather my bag and my suitcase. The book is really interesting and it has helped me to get my mind back to a state where it can form clear thoughts. So I emerge the train and look for the car I had rented. I had called the company I usually book at the London Station and they had promised to put one in front of the station here in Ireland with a Mr. Clark handing me the keys and the necessary documents. It is a friendly woman who owns this little firm and I have rented cars for over 5 years now and they trust me. Ahhh there he is, but it is not Mr. Clark it is James. He is the son of the owner and I know him even longer as we used to play together every time I came up here to visit my grandpa. Even though I was a bit uncomfortable, it is yet another thing I wasn’t prepared for and today I am extremely sensible to these issues  
“Good morning Anna! Need some time off? How was your trip?”. He grabs my luggage and puts it in the trunk. “Haven’t seen you for a long time?”  
“ Hey James! Yes, I had a huge project at the firm and now I feel like I need to find some peace and yes the trip was fine. How are you? How are your kids?” He had recently lost his wife due to cancer and was no all alone with his kids except for his parents helping him out.   
“they are coping and so am I. there are good days and there are bad days, but who am I talking to. You know this as well as I do.”   
He is referring to me loosing my parents early in my life. This is possibly the reason why I need order in my life as their fatal car accident had me pulled out of everything I knew and from everyone I knew. The only thing that stayed the same is this old cottage only my grandpa isn’t alive anymore. Everything has been kept the way my pa used to live.   
“Yeah I know, thank you for the car.”  
“I put some groceries in the cottage for you, I know which ones are allowed to be in there and which aren’t. Are you expecting anyone or any mail or any phone calls or should I redirect them all to your home?”  
“Wow thank you for that, put it on the bill for this car please and yes please don’t put anything through I am desperate for some alone time. Maybe in a week or so I’ll come to town and we can catch up if you want to?”  
“that would be marvellous honey, just call mothers office and set a date. “  
“Great, see you James”.  
“See you Anna”  
I get into the front seat of the car and drive away. First a small street through the town than the road sided by a few samples of cottages until it is only a off road to grandpas cottage. You can only find it when you know where to look and you cannot track me either as there is no reception at the house as well. Unnerving to a few I can imagine as you cannot call for help if it is needed but it is my one and only place where I can relax. It is dark by now. I drove for 4 ½ hours straight and I have finally arrived at my destination, the small fairy like cottage as it is described in many books and it is mine, mine alone, where I can actually be alone. I love it. I instantly feel at ease. I enter the house. James or his mum, Lucille, have already dusted and made the bed. I bring in the luggage put it in front of the cupboard and go to bed immediately.


	10. Where time does not exist!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day out on my own

As I wake up the sun begins to rise. I stay in bed a little while longer because I feel utterly exhausted. The last days and especially the last months have taken a toll on me. I know that I get exhausted after those big projects but I have never felt so drained emotionally and physically after work. It feels like my mind has no idea how to build sentences anymore or process any information. I am just staring at the stony ceiling, not thinking, just staring.  
The sun has risen in the early states of morning. There is no clock here, I have always tried to get out of this whole maniac time obsession, which I absolutely need when I am in London but which I cannot stand when I am here. Maybe because my grandpa used to hate to be in a hurry and he always clamed me down with his presence, nothing about him or around him was ever in a rush. Everyone who met him, seemed to forget about time when they were talking to him. His house or some might call it cabin, has the same aura. I am waiting for my tea to get ready and make a some porridge on the stove. I love porridge in the morning though I can’t stand it at any other given time of the day. I look out the window and see those misty lands and the nearby forrest, it looks like there are smoking, it is a marvellous sight all those shades of green always on time with there routine yet never in a hurry.   
My tea is ready and so is the porridge, I got in front of the cabin onto my little veranda and have breakfast quietly. People quiet not nature quiet. I can hear the birds and the wind sing across the land. I am still not thinking. I am just being.  
I put on some clothe and go onto a hike. The one’s grandpa and I used to do. Every single time I came by the first thing we used to was going out into the woods and me trying to figure out what has changed. He has always told me to watch out for nature and to pay close attention to the changes. “If you do that, you know if humanity can be saved”. I am wandering on our old paths. Some of the trees were missing some branches new. I go to one of the hunting cabins and rest, try to take in the sounds of the trees and even see a deer a bit away from me. Still I am not thinking, I am just taking in all the impressions and just be. All those beautiful images remind me how I loved to take photos and come back to make some more. I am on my way back to the cabin as a little hedgehog crosses my way stops in front of me, looks at me and wiggles away again. On my way back I look to the ground have a looked at the sky before no I look down. It is getting darker as well, I have no idea how much time I have spent outside in the woods but it is definitely longer than I had imagined. The sun is setting and I am back in my cabin, brewing a fresh cup of tea as the wind gets stronger. I take a look into the fridge and see vegetables and eggs, which is going to be my food for this evening. But before that I am going to unpack my suitcase and put all my clothes into the little cupboard, the books on the bookshelf and my bathroom utilities into the two bathroom drawers.   
As I try to put the books onto the bookshelf i notice that I have to build another one. One of the other traditions out here is that every book that I finished reading, has a place on one of the bookshelves, grandpa showed me how to build a simple shelf out of wooden planks and I add bookshelves whenever is needed. Tomorrow is going to be another day to build one. But not today! I eat my dinner slowly, omelette and baked veggies on the side, drink up my tea while sitting on the small green couch and reading a few pages more in my book I have mentioned before and then retire, it is already dark outside, to my bed once more.


	11. a normal day in an ordinary life?

i am watchng the earth gets lighter and lighter.  
The first glow of the morning sun on the landscpae right in front of my porch.  
A few birds in the near forest are singing some are flying over the fields.  
It is calm. They do not tell me when to get up, what i have to finish today.  
They won't invite me, forget me, suprise me and turn around midway.   
All of that in an already troubling week!

I get hasty and nervous again, so i try t stop think of him.  
I should just catagorize it under a courious incident and park it in one of the folders in my mindpalace.  
So it is done and i won't have to trouble myself with it anymore...

I tried it since the event has occured but somehow it always lands on my imaginary desk under unfinished business.  
Phew...   
I focuse on nature again. The sun has risen andmy tea is cold.  
I get back inside the house and finish up so I can drive out to town and get all the supplies I need.  
Some nails for the bookshelf, a few sanitary supplies and food.   
i get in my car and turn on the radio. I haven't listened to any news since i have arrived, no matter how bad the world had turned. It hasn't reached me out here.  
I park the car in front of the only shop there is. the shop of my one and only true friend out here and his mum, Imona.  
They have already seen me parking the car and Imona greeted me at the door like a long lost daughter.   
She picks up a basket and we go through the little shop toghether and she starts filling it with all the stuff she thinks i need.   
When i was about 11 grandpa used to drive to town with me but i was allowed to go shopping for us both on my own. Imona had always led me around the shop,  
so I would pack all the stuff grandpa and i needed to survive for. (maybe even a little more :))  
While we are going through the shop she talks on and on about how the town has changed and how dangerous it is for me to live out there on my own.  
it feels warm, and lovely. Another throwback to the old happy days with my grandpa. As we reach the counter and a second full basket stands ther i am snapped back into reality and don't know what she has packed but somehow i know what she packed.  
At the counter i realisse that i need nails. So I go back and get a pack.   
Both looked worried into my direction I think they think, that the cabin needs repairing, so i immediately answer their unspoken question "i am just building yet another bookshelf."  
Somehow i think they do not fully believe me. They are always worried wether i am here or out in the "bad" world.  
Still they look worried and as the other customer leaves the store and now one is about to enter. Imona takes my hand and drags me up to her flat.  
I am taken by suprise and it makes me feel uneasy. But the known smell and the memories of hot chocolate and biscuits calm me down.  
She sits across me ,without me knowing how she did it there is the decribed beverage in front of me  
and she asks me: "how are doing, sweetie? what has hapened to you?"


End file.
